Cosmic Pizza movie on TromaNOw
Cosmic Pizza Movie with Kari Stephens and Yvonne Licardi Yamane Crystal

My ole’ film, streaming on TromaNow! Yes boys, gurls, and Martians, Cosmic Pizza (aka Zarkon Knows All) is finally available to the public. It’s a film of Epic-proportions-not, but if (if) you like wonky, out of the ordinary films. Then you might just like to watch my family friendly movie about a group of friends who get involved with a purty-gurl named “Czarconia.” Czarconia is about as genuine as a zirconium diamond.

Czarconia’s TV show is all the rage, and when the audience starts to actually believe her mantra about “Cozmic Con-Shus-Ness” things get really wonked-out. You could watch the movie on Apple, Roku, FireTV — you name it, and it’s brought to you by the infamous TROMA distribution. YAY! Their dang groovy — and actually very kind folks. #FanTOXIC Here it is on the innerwebb… https://watch.troma.com/videos/cosmic-pizza

Here’s the trailer:

Watch Cosmic Pizza aka Zarkon Knows All on TromaNow (Roku/Apple/etc!)

I’ve tried to track down many of the actors and crew and I’m sure some of them have married and changed their names, so the best I can do right now is hope that they find me. So, Kari Stephens of Phoenix and Blue Ridge Mountain area (Virginia?) plus Sara (Sarah) Sorensen of Tempe, and Yvonne Licardi of Apache Junction and Yamane Yoga (aka Yvonne Crystal of California,) or other cast n’ crew…My old email while at the Media Pool co-op was mediapool@rocketmail.com — maybe this will pop up if you google or smoogle me.

NOW – Find me on www.Facebook.com/DeanLach – or Tweet me: @Dean_Lachiusa — https://twitter.com/Dean_Lachiusa — I’d love to connect and of course put your credit on IMDB. Okay back to the story behind the movie…”


If you were around Phoenix and went to most any of the Colleges in the Snotsdale or Tempe area then you may have heard about the film project or maybe even participated. I used actors from Phoenix College and ASU too. Phx college is where I found Bobbie Champagne, our costume designer. I also tapped into the resources of the original Russo “Star” theater, the original Women in Film of Scottsdale.

Plus there was a Radio college that sent some interns to do sound, most of them where cool, but one dude got so nervous that he pulled a 3-stooges maneuver…he swung the boom pole around his head, and then knocked the Sony VX-1000 camera right off the assigned “no food or drink, just equipment” table. Uggh . That was just the beginning of a real cluster-frak of a film project.

Next thing that happened was the pre-Madona’s at my so-called film school all were a no show. So I shot most of the film myself. One night, while at a Glendale, AZ TV studio things all changed. It’s a long story detailed below. In a nutshell: what happened resulted in the shooting of two (2) films. Yep!

Right now, only Cosmic Pizza is on the Troma (viewing) platform called TromaNow. But Troma did sign-on my 2nd film version called “Lights, Camera, Aliens.” Look for that soon.


The next section is excerpted from my project-bio written about the two film projects. There may be some redundancy.

Cosmic Pizza: A group of spaced-out friends pretend to be Aliens from planet Zarconite. They record all their exploits, but when they share their videos they find that some people actually think it’s for real.
Lights, Camera, Aliens: A television cameraman tells the story of a woman who produces a TV show about Space-Aliens who use a type of mind control called “Cozmic Conshussness.”

About the films:
Produced and Directed by Dean Lachiusa.
Starring Kari Stephens and Yvonne Crystal. With Juliet Rose.

Some of this project was shot on 16mm, a few scenes were shot on Super8, and the rest on DV. Most of the coverage is in the Arizona desert, around Papago Park in Phoenix, The Superstition Mountains (just outside of Phoenix,) and in numerous locations around the metropolitan Phoenix area.
Originally, I cast local actors from organizations like the AZ Star theatre, and the Scottsdale branch of “Women in Film.” Among the still photos, you may notice a cast on my hand. The following is the story behind these pictures.

Dean (the original Zarkon) wearing a cast with replacement character, Czarconia


The Accident, aka “I’d cut off my right (err left) hand to make this film…and did:”
We were about 10 shooting days into the film. A small crew was assembled to shoot in a Television studio in Glendale, Arizona. The cast was in the blue room, and I was in the control room. All studio doors were shut in order to quiet the set. We had an issue in the blue room and I walked towards the blue room to address it.


However, the glass doors that separated the rooms were clean and crystal clear. The glass did not have protective-stickers on it, and as it turned out…the glass was every day, untempered window-glass.
I didn’t see the glass, and I walked right into it — my hand went through first, shattering the glass and cutting me in the face and knees. But most importantly a large piece of very sharp glass fell on my hand. It cut through four (4) top-tendons. All fingers were affected except for my Thumb. Blood was everywhere.


They hauled me away in the back of a pickup truck to the local hospital where a doctor stitched up my hand with all the talent of a drunken-boyscout. The next day I was looking for my wallet, because I had no insurance and I needed to schedule surgery with a hand-surgeon. I found my wallet, hardened inside a ball of clothing that was solidified by dried blood.

Dean Lachiusa of the old Phx film co-op “MediaPool.” After accident at TV studio.


But the show must go on. After two hand-surgeries I decided to finish the project. I proceeded to shoot the rest of the film (despite a large cast on my hand and the burden of a $20,000 medical bill.) What can I say…When you’re bit by the filmmaking bug, you stick to your goals no matter what happens.
-Dean Lachiusa
Producer & Director “Cosmic Pizza” and “Lights, Camera, Aliens”


Above is a link to one of the smartest, funniest wordsmiths on Television, Brent Butt. He’s the creator of the Canadian comedy Corner Gas. It’s available on FireTV and Roku with the Freevee (formally called the IMDB) App. As you read below you’ll see that I’m quite fond of the Canadian culture. It started years ago with a bottle of Molson X, which led to a bag of ketchup flavored Potato chips, and a night of Rock N’ Roll in Windsor with “The Hunt.” Before I ramble too much about my history, let’s visit my most recent publications:


DID YOU KNOW?

Dean Lachiusa is a somewhat-radically funny filmmaker, musician, and writer. (Some would say Funny-Looking too.) He is known for his lighthearted approach to writing. Here’s what a famous-not person said about Dean…

“He’s written two books designed for two types of people…For Off-Grid thinkers and those interested in Amusing Antidotes and Alternative Remedies, read Dean’s book called: O.G. CHRONICLES…”

“And for those interested in the History of such home-remedies, then I suggest you read his book: ADVENTURES IN HISTORIC CURES…”

It’s a fun and informative book that contains Anecdotes and Home Remedies influenced by a slew of New World Medicines that Colonialist’s like Ben Franklin, and Alfred E. Neuman used (kidding!)

I think you’ll like his writing — but then again, I’m famous, not. In addition to writing books that pat Dean heavily on his back, Lachiusa has written numerous scripts that have garnered the attention of several filmmakers who produce films for the purpose of impressing girls. So much for impressions — aww heck, just buy the thang.

Add citation here, unless of course this is all bull-hockey and there is no site to cite.

My latest book is available on numerous websites…

Read “O.G. Chronicles” on Google, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and KOBO

  • If you’re a book reviewer, please email metrofilmfestival@gmail.com or contact me on Twit/FB, and I can send you a link to read the book free online. (I need your email address, plus you’ll need to have a Google account.) After I set you up as a reviewer, you may access my book through the Google “library” link: https://play.google.com/books

  • Dean’s new book: O.G. Chronicles (Amusing Antidotes and Alternative Remedies) is a fun journey through hundreds of unique Home Remedies, complete with definitions and amusing commentaries. It’s well suited for off-grid thinkers and those interested in researching alternative solutions for the Household, with a special emphasis on DIY Medicines and Self-Healing.

BARNES & NOBLE: At this link: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w?ean=2940160996462

AMAZON: At this link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09NPF8Z4H

KOBO: At this link: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/o-g-chronicles

GOOGLE: At this “book” link: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=VjBVEAAAQBAJ

  • You may notice that above we have 4 large dropcap-letters that spell out the word “BAKG.” BAKG actually translates to “Book” in the native language of the Northern SoHip Tribe of New Snoreland. Would I kid you?

*asterisk*

This is a section break!


Below is information about my previous publication, “Adventures in Historic Cures” — it’s similar to the O.G. book but with added Historical commentaries that touch on Colonial History, Martha and George Washington and other Founders. So if you’d prefer to not read about Medical History, then a quicker-read is my book: O.G. Chronicles.


  • About Adventures in Historic Cures: “Fun never had it so good. That is to say, if Fun was a person and an avid reader of books about the nuances, quirks, and history of Colonial era Home Remedies and Cure-All’s.”
  • About me: “I’ve published dozens of Roku TV channels, written many a screenplay, and I have a large portfolio of song-lyrics, but this book thing is a new way for me to present my thoughts.”
  • About me#2: I’ve been influenced by many famous wordsmiths like Pye DuBois of the Max Webster, and Kim Mitchell bands! Read more…

I also attribute some of my “wordsmithing” to the genius of Brent Butt of the Corner Gas, and Hiccups Television comedies…

Plus I’ve always loved the clever lyrics of Musician Peter Gabriel…

And I’m motivated by the wild and adventuristic words by the Scottish musician, Alex Harvey of The Sensational Alex Harvey Band.


Here’s what someone famous-not said about my 1st book “Adventures in Historic Cures:”

…With a main thrust on Medical History, Adventures in Historic Cures is a fun and informative book that contains Anecdotes and Home Remedies influenced by Traditional, Folk, Herbal, Natural, Holistic, and Homeopathic Medicines. Inside you’ll find 100’s of New World ideas and concoctions that are examined, defined, and sometimes laughed about.  You’ll find every possible cure and remedy from How to Sanitize a House — to How to Clean your Ears.  It’s not just for History Buffs, Do-it-yourself Healers or Medical Researchers, it’s an adventure.  For a Quicker Read without Historical References, see Dean’s book: O.G. Chronicles…


GOOGLE: In digital form, you can read the book online with their FREE 30 page Preview, and it also reads on Apps and devices like the Sony eReader.

Here’s the links on Googlebooks: http://books.google.com/books/about?id=VQtQEAAAQBAJ (Note that if you’d like to Adventures in Historic Cures on a IOS or Android cell or tablet, there is a Google-App link on this page.) And here’s the link on Googleplay: https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=VQtQEAAAQBAJ

Read Adventures in Historic Cures
This book concentrates on Medical History.

AMAZON: The Amazon USA site for the Hardcover, Paperback, Kindle, and the “App” is right here. Amazon.com’s main site is designed to service many countries, and when necessary the site will usually re-direct you to the appropriate International point-of-sale. All Amazon sites feature a FREE 10 PAGE PREVEW.


BARNES & NOBLE: The online version of “Adventures in Historic Cures” is available with a FREE preview. The link to the “Nook” book version and printed versions is here https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/adventures-in-historic-cures-dean-lachiusa/1140553332?ean=9781668599174


KOBO: For digital and online reading only, the “Adventures in Historic Cures” ebook is available through a unique site…Rakuten Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/adventures-in-historic-cures


Okay! So that’s what I have for you regarding the “Adventures in Historic Cures” book at this point in time. If you’d like to talk to me about the book, please drop me a line at deanlachiusa@gmail.com or Facebook.

Until then, I hope you’ll share this website with your friends and enemies (not to say that you have enemies…)

I’ve found that my enemies eventually turned into friends because time does heal all wounds. But who’s wounded…I’m not, or at least it’s not anything a hunk of Chocolate Fudge won’t cure.

*Asterisk*

THIS IS ANOTHER SECTION BREAK, UGGH!


WordPress suggests I say something like this:

The Doohickey Company was founded in 1970ish, and has been providing quality doohickeys to the public ever since. Located in Gotham City, Doohickey (or “Doo” to it’s friends) employs over a Kazillion people and does all kinds of awesome things for the Gotham community, honest.”

Isn’t that clever? Anyway, if you’re me, then you may click the login box to edit stuff on the dashboard. If you’re not me, then see below.

  • My websites:
  • Blog.Martianpoop.com – the home of “MoviesPlus” TV-Apps.
  • DeanLachiusa.com (You’re here, ya hear me? Of course you do)
Everything Dean (who knew?)
This is Wags, he was a good dog. He was very smart, and he would sneeze in reply to my commands/questions. He also did the typical head-tilt that Shih Tzu’s are known for.

This is a sentence. Okay, duh. You may have guessed that I love the art of wordsmithing – I even have a Degree in WordSmithery from the Acme Word-Smithing University of Nowheresville, Ohio.

Someday there will be more pictures here or a link to yet another of my publications.

Bauhaus inspired designs by Dean
Outdoor Barcelona-Dean Chair (c) DL 1992

Here’s one of my passion-projects, it’s a Roku channel that streams films made by fan-owned Star Trek studios.

The movies I stream are made under the strict “fan-film” guidelines and are considered “Noncommercial.” This means that no money can be made from these films, so you won’t see any Adverts, and you may add my channel free. Within the Roku.com site or your Roku-device, simply look for Star Trek Continues Phase 2.

If you’d like to talk about making a fan film, I’m a big Sci-Fi fan, and I’m very much interested in participating in a Star Trek production, or a Firefly/Serenity production. (I love “The Verse,” a short Firefly homage.)

Actually, if you’re into filmmaking, I can be found at the monthly Royal Oak Film Mixer. [Note that my related “Royal Oak Film Mixer” FB page was taken down in September 2022. But I still welcome discussions online.] Feel free to ask me about filmmaking…I’m a seasoned Second AD and old-school Cinematographer.

Watch Star Trek free and ad-free, including Star Trek Continues, Exeter, and Horizon!

Importantly, if you like the work of George Takei, or Walter Koenig of the original Star Trek series, I stream and blog about their productions made a few years ago with James Cawley and Tim Russ (ST Voyager) in NY. Look for “New Voyages and Phase II” films on my channels and my FB page “Martian Poop.”

And if you like the cast of Star Trek, especially alumni from Star Trek Voyager…you may find them doing “Atomic Network” films, which we also talk about on Facebook.

Toot-a-loo for now. 🙂

PS: If you managed to scroll or read all the way to the end of this page and you didn’t find a link to my film “Cosmic Pizza” — then you can find it on the TromaNow App (Roku, FireTV, Droid/Apple) and online here: https://watch.troma.com/videos/cosmic-pizza

Yvonne Licardi Yamane Crystal in Cosmic Pizza, starring Kari Stephens

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